


Hyu's de Chozen Vun, Sveethot!

by brawltogethernow



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Gen, Humor, Jägermonsters - Freeform, Prompt Fic, TRASHY URBAN FANTASY AESTHETIC HOY!, Tropes, Urban Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:47:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26846113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brawltogethernow/pseuds/brawltogethernow
Summary: Agatha is an ordinary person who's just been informed she has a secret destiny to fight the things that go bump in the night. So far, this seems to mostly involve wrangling theotherthings that go bump in the night that are on her side.
Relationships: Da Boyz & Agatha Heterodyne
Comments: 9
Kudos: 60





	Hyu's de Chozen Vun, Sveethot!

Maxim, experimentally, reached out with his tongue, circled it around a package of cup ramen sitting innocently on the gas station shelf, and drew it, styrofoam and clear plastic wrapping and all, into his mouth.

He bit down. It went, _KRERNUNCHffkfCH?_

“ _No!_ ” hissed Agatha. Futilely, she bat at the general area of his shoulders with her hands, head swiveling around to look for witnesses.

The cashier, a woman with purple-dyed hair and a chain connecting a piercing in her nose with one in her earlobe, was indeed staring right at them, mouth open slightly. As Agatha watched, she blinked with unnatural slowness, her face flickering like she was struggling to get a firm grip on one expression.

Finally her face cleared, and she smiled as genuinely as someone in a service job was likely to. “Oh, ha!” she said. “Munchies, right? Yeah, I’ve been there. Just make sure you bring me the package so I can scan it, alright?”

Agatha turned back to Maxim, who was fully engrossed in chewing consideringly. The package was definitely gone.

“She izn’t gonna see ennyting veird,” Oggie informed her easily. He was staring into the little mirror over a rotating display of sunglasses, trying to get a pair on without the single horn on the side of his head knocking them askew. “Iz de _Fadey Ting_.” Agatha could hear the capital letters. “Hit keeps pipple from noticink magic schtoff who izn’t all _speshul_ -like.”

“Like hyu!” Dimo supplied, horribly casually.

“Dot’s vhy hyu roommate didn’t _scream_ vhen she saw hyu lock dot big tentacly tingy in hyu’s broom closet,” Oggie continued, cheerfully. One of the stems of the star-shaped sunglasses he was trying to get to sit straight snapped in his hand. He sighed and put them back on the stand. They sagged, languorous.

“She izn’t gonna notice vhen hyu keel it, needer, so dun vorry,” Maxim finished, now done with his snack. “Vill just congratch’late hyu for taking out a rilly big _rat_ , sumtink like dot.” He ran his unreasonable tongue over his jagged teeth, thoughtful. “Nize texture,” he declared. “Hy vants to try de odder liddle flavors.”

Agatha emitted an unhappy tea kettle noise, scooped up a miscellaneous armful of cup ramens ( _SALE!_ declared a little sign above them in screaming yellow and red), and swept them over to the poor cashier, who she deposited them in front of. Anything to get them out of here faster.

The cashier, enterprisingly, counted them and then picked one up and scanned it sixteen times. So that solved the issue of Maxim’s 33¢ debt to society.

“$12.22,” she declared after Agatha handed her the things she had actually come in for. Three containers of salt, and a plastic barbecue lighter.

Dimo leaned around Agatha and deposited a gold nugget on the sticky counter. It had a winged chess piece stamped on its side. “Buy hyuself sumting nize with de change, sveethot,” he rumbled, grinning. With, oh, _too_ many teeth.

The cashier picked it up with businesslike efficiency, flashing Dimo a tight smile, then started to deposit the nugget in the register, paused. Her hand drifted to hold it over the tip jar, back. Paused. She stared down at it, looking fuzzy.

She looked back up, dreamy, and then more present as her gaze lit on Maxim. “That’s such a natural looking ombre!” she said, gesturing with her empty hand at Maxim’s hair, which was the same shade as hers. That his skin was also purple did not seem to register. “So subtle, I love it. What brand do you use?”

She looked down at the nugget again. Her brow furrowed with confusion. Her wrist twitched in preparation for resuming its circuit between the register and tip jar.

Agatha leaned forward, twitched the gold out of her hand, plunked it into her shirt pocket, and slapped a twenty down on the counter. Then she grabbed all three of her monsters by various bits of wrist and tattered jacket lapel and pulled them out the automatic door. Maxim, snagging up his bag of instant noodles, came rustling.

“Dot _vos_ fon,” declared Oggie, as they stepped out into the pool of lime-tinted electronic light, refracting in almost steamy just-post-rain air, outside the gas station. He lifted his head and sniffed the bouquet of petrichor and gasoline fumes appreciatively. “Ken ve finish tellink hyu about hyu’s ancient birthright _now?_ ”

“Monster first,” declared Agatha, stomping off into the night, salt gripped tightly in her hand.

“Oh, _killink_ ,” replied Oggie, pleased.

“She _doz_ have her priorities in order,” said Dimo.

“Did hyu understand vot dot sparkly face gorl was sayink ‘bout mine hair?” asked Maxim. And they trotted along on Agatha’s heels, banter muffled by the misty night.

**Author's Note:**

> Marking this complete because it was published as a oneshot, but like...I will be adding other word doodles of this world as chapters if you want to subscribe/check back.
> 
> [Original prompt/Tumblr mirror](https://brawltogethernow.tumblr.com/post/629660358952534016/agatha-and-da-boyz-urban-fantasy-au-for-the-ask)


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